We can become so familiar with the Bible and its content that we become unmoved by what we read. We can say things to ourselves like “I know this story”, “I know what this is all about”, and reading can become a cursory thing as though it’s all too well known. Well that happened to me until I got to this verse, then bam!

When Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his donkey and went off home to his own city. He set his house in order and hanged himself, and he died and was buried in the tomb of his father. 2 Samuel 17:23

I want to come back to this, but first some background. Ahithophel is known in the land for his wisdom, often seen as God’s wisdom (2 Samuel 16:23). Now there comes a blow to his position, his pride, his worth, his use.

And Absalom and all the men of Israel said, “The counsel of Hushai the Archite is better than the counsel of Ahithophel.” For the LORD had ordained to defeat the good counsel of Ahithophel, so that the LORD might bring harm upon Absalom.  2 Samuel 17:14

Hushai is able to tell the two priests what has happened (vs 15) and get David to safety (vs16). The two sons of the two priests receive a message through a servant girl (vs 17) but a follower of Absalom sees the young men in a place called En-rogel just outside Jerusalem (vs 18).  The young men move away and hide in a house. When Absalom’s men arrive they can’t find anything (vs 20). Later the two men eventually get to David and David acts on their advice (vs 21-22).

Back to Ahithophel. It just goes to show us the harsh reality and importance of protecting our minds. The depth and places our minds can go to is far reaching and this is serious. The problem with our minds is that they are fallen and can take us to fallen distorted places.

It sounds simple to quote scripture but it does matter what we think about and where we spend our thought time.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Philippians 4:8

Charles Spurgeon once said, “I am the subject of depressions of spirit so fearful that I hope none of you ever get to such extremes of wretchedness as I go to.”

Suicidal ideas like Ahithophel’s began with a loss of influence and a feeling of uselessness. His wisdom, so he thought, was gone. The wretchedness of thoughts such as “it will always be this way” and “things will never change” came into his head with such force that, despite the taboo, an option of suicide roared into his head and looked logical and the best for all.

I don’t know, maybe just maybe, he thought and questioned whether God would love him in the same way now as he had when he had influence and profile. Maybe just maybe he couldn’t cope with new thoughts such as, “God could never love me if I struggle in this way, I will always be at fault for my depression, real Christians never get depressed, it is always because of my lack of faith.” We don’t know what went through his head, but we do know the conclusion he reached was not the right one and was not an accurate perception of what God thought of him.

These thoughts remained in his head and they grew. He did not share with anyone what he was feeling. It’s time to speak, to allow people to speak. Your small group is not lost if someone shares at this level but rather it has gained.

Relentless whispering is so powerful. The Psalmist wrote.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. Psalm 22:1-2

The solitude remained. Ahithophel saddled his donkey, told no one and went to his house alone. In this place, wretchedness removes our ability to imagine any hope or happiness or delight. We can’t see a way out.

Satan does not play fair, he distorts, exaggerates, feeds and deliberately aims to destroy.

When I was young I had a walnut wood wardrobe in my bedroom. My brother pointed out the shapes of two dogs in the pattern and grain of the walnut wood and said that that they would rise up in the dark from the wardrobe and attack me. I was petrified and hated the dark.

For those in a very dark place I would like to say to you, though the door is shut tight, God still provides a  light that penetrates in through the gap underneath your door reaching towards his dear ones in the darkness. I stared and stared at this light for hours. Know this,

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. Psalm 139:11-12

Sometimes scripture is not meant to be shouted, proclaimed and thrust like a mighty spear, it is also meant to soothe, calm and encourage. So Jesus says, no, Jesus whispers in our ear “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. (Hebrews 13:5)

We must renew our mind with the truth that it is Jesus who consoles his disciples and therefore consoles us when he says “I am with you always, to the end of the age”. (Matthew 28:20).

Whether we appear before princes or just an unrecognised doorkeeper then the following is true,

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

When the darkness of depression and despair is pressing in, remember that you are a walking target of God’s relentless mercy. Our Father has a special place in his heart for those vulnerable to fierce mental battles.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

Whilst our minds tell us we are worthless God screams, “you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.” Listen to this,

because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” Luke 1:78-79

The battle against unspoken thoughts is a fierce and mysterious fight. Whilst the healing from these particularly low seasons of darkness is no simplistic equation, the truth of God’s character and our identity in Christ remains simple enough in that, from the foundation of the world he has always loved us and into eternity future we will never be separated from him. These eternal extremes, won by Christ on the cross, act as our only shield against the wretched extremes that suicidal contemplations may mutter. They are no match for God’s faithful love towards you.