You can tell your children what to do when they are little but, when they grow up, they will make their own choices. This in the church can be both good and bad. The sons can dismiss the work of the fathers and their experiences almost pushing them to the edge of church life even though they have served God and have led churches for decades. On the other hand the sins of the fathers can cause the sons to despise them, even to feel pity for them, there is a loss of innocence.

Fathers set an example to your sons in God, sons honour your fathers.

David’s sin with Bathsheba had not been a good example to his sons. He also had not disciplined them and had been in the most part absent.

The man described as “a man after God’s own heart” had no respect for his sons and they had no respect for him. This meant they did what they wanted, when they wanted and had the power and influence to do so.

We are in 2 Samuel 13:1-22. David’s son Amnon has fallen hopelessly in love with his half-sister Tamar. (“Well I can right! Dad fell in love with someone that was already married, why can’t I bend the rules?)

Amnon was infatuated with Tamar and when you are about to sin, there is always a friend around that will help you or tell you it’s not that bad. Beware the friend that feeds your sin! Amnon’s friend is David’s nephew Jonadab, who has a plan (vs 3-5).

David once sent for Bathsheba, now Amnon will send for Tamar. This is where we learn from the sins of the fathers. The plan involves lies and deceit (vs 6-8). David imposed his will on Bathsheba, now Amnon will impose his will on Tamar (vs 9-14). Amnon forces himself upon Tamar, it was not only against God’s law (Leviticus 18) it was rape.

David was repentant and understood that he had sinned (see Psalm 51), Amnon was not. David did love Bathsheba and took care of her into old age. Amnon’s desire turned to hate. Look at this…

Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” 2 Samuel 13:15

Amnon’s desire and hate caused his half-sister to lose her honour,  to face shame and disgrace, she was now a nothing, a non-person (vs 16-19). This would end in brother killing brother as Absalom would murder Amnon for what he had done.

We all have responsibility to set an example. Paul said to Timothy,

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

The word “example” in verse 12 is ‘tupos.’ It means the model, the image, the pattern. It’s a pattern laid down.

Thomas Brooks said, “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.”

To put it another way, your life speaks the loudest. It’s all about integrity, that we match what we say with how we live. People listen to what we say then they look at our lives. It’s the credibility gap. David did not set Amnon a great example and Amnon could not see that David was a good example.

The single greatest tool of leadership is the power of an exemplary life.

If you aspire to leadership before you tell or inform or instruct then demonstrate, live, set an example.

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,  Titus 2:7

shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. 1 Peter 5:2-3

Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honourable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. 1 Peter 2:12

Integrity is an issue of the heart. It is rooted in our walk with God. C. S. Lewis stated it clearly in‘God in the Dock:’ “Moral collapse follows upon spiritual collapse.” Above all, guard your daily walk with God.

Integrity is an issue of our actions. It is not just what we believe, but also what we do. Integrity is an issue of others’ perceptions. Reputation is key. “Dead flies in perfume make it stink, and a little foolishness decomposes much wisdom” (Ecclesiastes 10:1)

Now there’s a challenge.